so it's 2010!

everybody's excited on new year's day. every year there's a theme. we celebrate time. we change over time. looking back at 2009, i learned so much. haven't practiced it all yet but i will.

we're made for such a time as this. we're here for a purpose. i can't imagine life without God. God's purpose is timeless. i'd just be floating around like blah. do i make any sense?

my challenge this year is to really make the effort to know who God is. this affects everything. for a long time i've struggled with insecurity, basing my value on the people i get attention from and the amount of people....pretty much what any self-centered person struggles with...and i've also been basing my value on looks and like if i don't look a certain way, then my whole life is conducted by that....the truth is that none of those things are secure. we all grow old and die. it's just tough because i've lived believing lies for so long that i easily slip back into those thought patterns....when i look at magazines, observe other people who get stuck into thinking the way that i don't wanna think anymore....it's false security....a spouse won't give me more security. money won't give me more security. looks won't give me more security...all those fade away...

God, help me with my unbelief.

what's the stuff in your life you want to overcome in 2010?

:::: Hope ::::

sometimes we place our hope in other things, people...

all those are earthly and temporary.

i need to place my hope in something bigger than myself, someone eternal. God.

that's something i've realized i've been messing up on.

prayer is something i've gradually underestimated. me. a Christian.

i was reading max lucado's newest book, fearless, and something that stuck out to me was that the sunshine of our confessions disrobes the fears we have.

when we choose not to bring things up to God, we're allowing them power over us and consequently choose to live a defeated life.

Happy XMAS

first one w/o family.

it's a bit past midnight into this day we all usually gather on.

the presents. the houses packed. the smiles. the hugs. the laughs. the loud voices. the loads of food. the in-laws. the boyfriends. the girlfriends. the cousins. the aunts. the uncles. the movies. the games. the shopping trips to target.

all these things i already miss.

but it's ok. i mean, it's time for change. if we hold on to this life, then we're not really living.

i can't believe i've made it this far. next week i get to be on the air for 4 straight days to cover for our mid-day personality. little by little i'm hearing people take notice of me on the air. it's encouraging because it happens every time i start to get discouraged living here in florida. like tonight at church this girl and i were chatting and talking about where i work. she asked what i did at the joy fm, if i was one of the voices, and then i told her "yes, i'm leslie.." (didn't finish my sentence) she flipped! she told me i was one of her favorite dj's along with jayar..to be placed in the same sentence as him...wow. what an honor. she told me she liked me and him because we sound normal...wow. so anyway, that made my night...who doesn't like receiving compliments? especially when you're having a down day....

our radio consultant told me to just be myself and that people would love me. i was afraid. i guess that fear of rejection...anyway, i've always felt ashamed that i'm a bit extra materialistic and girly...but i'm slowly just letting it out. i'm a girl. a real one. not perfect. just like you.

...i love radio. so this xmas, i guess what i thank God for is that i am where i am for His purpose. i'm thankful for purpose. Jesus gives me purpose in life.
in mark 10:45 he says it best:
"For even the son of man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."

The Joy FM, Hello?

monday mornings from 12am-2am eastern i do my practice radio show and i facebook about it, encouraging my friends from all around the world(the usa, guatemala, canada, australia) to listen online and call me up on the 1-800 number....

this is one of those calls...

Pancho

i have a good dad.

i do.

living in florida i've had to face some of the hardest battles of my life. it's been killer.

i promise i'm not trying to be a drama queen. doesnt' seem like anybody here understands me that well here. so i've been having to lean on God, which i know we should do anyway but it's such a tough thing to do sometimes when you've been used to having people to vent to, who get it...anyway, here's where i'm coming from...

i've got lots on my plate (typically i wouldn't complain about a lot on my plate but this is different):
-i'm a girl so i'm extra emotional/hormonal
-i've been living by myself for a little over a year
-all my friends are far away
-all my family is far away
-the 2 friends i have here will probably get sick of me....dump me for some other more suitable friends...am i being too negative? (hold on, it'll get better toward the end..)
-i'm at the early stages of learning my craft in radio and thus at the bottom of the totem pole...
-i have insecurities under all this other crap that i need to deal with

lovely.

on a positive note, this crap is all good stuff. i mean, i'm being trained to trust God completely. trusting Jesus to tame this lion that's my flesh. i'm talking about my sinful nature...google it if you're not sure what the heck i'm talking about...i'm sure you can relate.

aside all this, i know God is so good but it's the trust factor i struggle with. this weekend has been extra trying on my flesh. you know when you want so much to be a part of something but it's just not time yet? so it feels like salt on an open wound..(outwardly it's not a big deal but this battle was all goin' on inside.)

..it's so hard to just trust God with all this. so God kept His promise, the one about not leaving us alone but sending his holy spirit to comfort us and guide us into all truth...felt like God rocked me back and forth as a father rocking his child...i'm one of'em..

me- "why are you having me go through this? why? it hurts so much..."

the question of whether or not i'm good enough pops up ever so often and its then i start to compare myself to others..that said, about 2 sundays ago i dished this out with some random ppl at church for some prayer circle thingy and one of them was a middle-school kid...he then confessed that he too felt like that about himself...he said he kept comparing himself to his super athletic brother. he felt like he wasn't good enough because he wasn't into sports, nor good at them like his brother is, not to mention his brother always winning awards and trophies...i know i needed to hear that. interesting... it's easy to focus on yourself when all you live with is yourself...i need to focus on others needs to overcome this along with dependence on God's truth.
this same weekend, my dad called me long distance from central america (he and mom are in guatemala visiting family) so i ended up telling him everything about my struggle/hurdle and he was so encouraging with God's truth. pops gets it. he's been through so much. greatest gift God's ever given me. in heaven and on earth, i can say i have a good dad.