Microphone Mine!

i hate sharing a microphone. even when i was a kid, i usually had the lead role and my own microphone. it was always annoying to have to share a mic. with 2-3 other girls to sing a song as a transition took place during the play...we'd all try to squeeze together competing to be heard the loudest on the microphone...thussss, i preferred singing solos because i could stay on key and i'm sorry but not all kids sound cute singing...like those other little girls singing with me (clearly with no musical upbringing other than our crazy pentecostal praise/worship on sundays...just sayin') were so tone-deaf....i'd fade out, slowly backing off the mic. so i wouldn't be mistaken for the one that went off-key that threw the whole group off-key...you'd think a kid wouldn't care so much about going off-key but i did because of my family's musical background. ok i sound mean and cocky now...great....

weird but singing didn't become a passion of mine (although i do love to sing); speaking into the microphone was more my thing....something about holding that microphone all to myself...and what that piece of metal with plastic did for my voice-it was uhhhmazing. my voice sounded clear and pure and loud so everybody could hear me. i loved to be heard by more than just one person and that microphone guaranteed me a higher chance of that.

wow. i was born self-centered. what kind of God would do such a thing?? maybe that's just all part of God's divine plan for my destiny. him preparing the way for what i'm passionate about doing today. yeah, the whole radio thing.

so now at 30, i'm in a situation where i have to share a microphone with somebody else. it'd be one thing if it were with somebody i know really well. if it were a close friend, it would be great because we could just pick up from each other's cues...well i share a microphone with somebody i don't know very much. honestly we're an odd combo. i think. we both get our own microphone but sharing the stage and speaking space is just the same thing. i feel weird because i don't know when to say something or not due to not really knowing the other person. so sadly i just fade into the background and it's just not that fun for me...but hey, who said life was supposed to be all about what makes leslie more comfortable? nobodaaaay. right. this is the part where i sigh, sigh sigh.

so i just throw all my tantrums in the privacy of my car, my place. why does God do these things? i hate it. i do. maybe it's God tryin' to discipline me. what kid loves to be disciplined? i know i'm not a kid anymore but to God i think we're all kids. we don't think like he does no matter how deep and spiritual we think we are. he even gave us the disclaimer or something like that in isaiah 50-somethin'...he said his ways, thoughts were higher than ours.

i believe he's right.

so okay. this is where God has me. alright. for some reason he thinks this is what needs to happen in my life. i need to experience the whole sharing of the microphone thing. i need to practice not opening my mouth. but i was made to speak. i looooove it the most when i can speak real to people. whether it's at starbucks while handling a customer or even on the radio...or just with friends. there's just something sooo refreshing about being real. that's my goal in life i guess.

i love real blogging too. i hope it's reflected.