i guess so.
right off the bat i'm learning about how self-centered i've been. i've had an ego.
so the challenge is to let God shred this ego even though you're surrounded by other people who are just like you! shhhhyahhhh! that's my made-up word out of frustration.
i loooove radio. i do. i know this because no matter how much i suck at it right now, no matter the volumes of knowledge and experience i lack, i still have nooooo desire to quit. as a matter of fact, it makes me wanna try harder! i seriously have this dream alive in me.
right now i'm being molded.
words really can't help me here. but i'll say what's inside my heart.
like, i'm so thankful for this opportunity.
living in florida has exposed so many weaknesses to me. i didn't know how poor i was.
not financially but spiritually.
i still am. i need help y'all.
this whole blog has had lots of somber entries...
i'm new to this whole radio thing.
so there's that.
now i have to learn how to train my mind to serve people who don't give a rip about me.
you remember the Jesus speech about loving your enemies? yep.
it's soooo hard to love someone who doesn't love you back.
it hurts that even though God says HE's not a respector of persons, we are.
this past weekend i had the privelege of attending this radio conference called momentum.
i was surrounded by some of the biggest fish in radio.
i tried to soak up all i could.
a year ago i had zero experience and would've never guessed i'd be able to attend one of these conferences. but there i was.
it was somewhat uncomfortable at first. i didn't know who i'd be hanging out with. weird thing is that i noticed some things never end in high school. there are still cliques being formed by adults in their late 30's and up.
so there i was. trying to fit in all over again. and then it dawned on me. wtf? seriously?
okay, so i hardly use the f-word but it's one of those moments where it just fits. just flow with me for a sec. so i got nudged with the reality that it's okay if i'm not the life of the party. it's okay not to know everybody. it's okay to not be the favorite. it's okay to just go up to people and talk to them even though they didn't initiate it. most importantly, my purpose for being at this conference was to learn and grow.
so at that point i just let go. it was hard but i know i did it. that's when i started to meet great people. feels sooo great to meet people without so much ego. not sayin' all the people at this conference had ego but i'd say a large percent. heck even me! i know, right!? i still want to be known...i'm bad, i know. it's just this great feeling i'm sorta addicted to when someone says you cheered them up....it's that knowing that you were able to reflect hope to a person who thought they were hopeless...or knowing that somebody enjoys your quirks...them enjoying you is a confirmation of why God made you the way He made you.
so in this business of radio, i should still be "about my Father's business..." i know it's cheesy but i had to! Jesus said it and it totally fits this blog. basically, there's a greater purpose for being on the microphone. it's not about me. so i'm thinking sharing the "good news" has sooo many dimensions. what i mean is that so much good comes out of knowing who God is and pursuing Him. for me, it's hope. so that's the good news i want to share on the air. it's my story. Even though i know i'm made for this, there is no way i can do this apart from God. john 15:5...check it yo! hey, even if you're not a bible-reader, there's a lot of wisdom inside it that you shan't pass up! ;)
ok, something else i've learned is that because i'm new to radio and it's an honor to be helping with shows, i don't have rights. yep. i don't have a right to feel left out. i don't have a right to complain. i don't have a right to expect. all i have a right to is to serve.
great. the thing i've sucked at my whole life. i'm here to serve.
Jesus washed his disciples' feet and said we should follow that example. there was a time when i read that and could care less what Jesus implied. but now it's a sacrifice i need to make. it's what Jesus said to do. it's the right thing to do. even if i don't like it. it's a sacrifice. an act of worship. ouch.
i'm sore.
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