it's currently 1:16 a.m. and i'm so awake! literally and spiritually! woah! this is cool.
i should seriously go wash my dirty hair that's been bathed by the salty gulf breeze and sand but i just want to get these thoughts out before...
God You're so good.
okay so lately i'm testing my relationship with God. pushing through the uncomfortable questions and confessions with Truth. it's like jabbing whatever's in my way with a sword. kah! kah! hi-yah! that's what's in my head.
i love the church God used to show me the blueprint of what He intended for me. it happened in good old tennessee and i guess that's why i hold tn so dear to my heart. that's where i made my first real friends there. real friends like the ones that are described in the Bible...like Jonathan, Aquila and Priscilla, timothy and all those proverbs...
that said, i'm not in that environment anymore. i live in florida and the people here are different. i smile, their eyebrows cave to the center...i say hi, they look and maybe make some eye contact, but that's it. i'm beginning to love florida. when i first moved here in october of last year, i saw florida as my enemy even though it was really gift. you've probably heard the phrase, "don't judge a book by it's cover," and it's so true. i did that and still struggle doing that with florida. so it's hot. big deal. it's beautiful!
people of all sizes and ages wear bikinis and speedos here! it's amazing! although i could go without seeing old men in speedos but oh well, it's done. lol the opportunity i've been given by being here has far outweighed all my crying and missing my friends times....it's not easy but it's soooo rewarding! i'm learning and honing the little by little goodness that's blossoming with practice. radio is something i'm sooo glad God's made me to do.
sometimes i get sidetracked on thoughts about me being too old or slow but God is so good and attentive to my needs. His hand has never left me. people could make fun of me and all those times i cried behind closed doors, He cried with me. God is my lifesaver. Jesus. the whole existence of my hope is in Him. Resurrection=hope.
so i want to share that with the world. let my big mouth proclaim hope to all! let my silence proclaim hope to all! let the trees, the waters, the storms, the trials proclaim hope! that's pretty much what i want my life to reflect. that God is our hope. He is Hope. the real thing. it's because of hope that i can smile and laugh really hard...i love God's love.
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