6 Months in Florida

Current mood: Gratefullllll
Greetings!It's been a long time since my last update and let me just say that since my last entry life has been all the while a series of lessons either learned or in the process of being learned. Living in Florida has opened my eyes to the true state of my heart. Who likes to admit their heart is pretty nasty still even after receiving God's unconditional love? Well, it makes me sigh with disappointment but not enough to make me ever give up. Somewhere inside, God's spirit in me is what keeps me alive and going. I believe that's part of the comfort the Holy Spirit brings into our lives. It's a river inside and yeah things can be cruddy at times but it's that Spirit of God that carries you along with it's current. A river is always moving. Even if there's a huge rock in the way, the river just keeps flowing around it or over it. It never stops. I believe that not giving up when things get tough is evidence of the Holy Spirit at work. The Holy Spirit plus God's word make for more strength than found in man.

I started reading this book called "The Normal Christian Life" by Watchman Nee. I'm starting to realize the importance and significance of firstly, the reality of the blood of Jesus. Jesus dying for my sins all for love is good knowledge but I was missing something. I still found myself trying to be good enough for God even though Jesus' blood is sufficient. If God accepts it, then it should be good enough for me to accept. It all goes back to the Passover in Leviticus...I remember crying when I read all the humiliation people would go through, confessing all their junk in front of everybody, to be forgiven and yet there still was no remedy for their guilt and shame from sin. There was no goat, lamb or any animal perfect enough to cover guilt and shame on top of sin. THen Jesus came along and changed everything. He was the perfect sacrifice. Still is and always will be. Still with me so far??

So with all that said...Today I was thinking about how I didn't wake up to have time with God this morning nor yesterday morning...the thought came, "oh man, I didn't have my time with God....doesn't feel good....wonder how things will go...." That's how I feel when I don't take time to get into reading the Bible...I feel like I'm missing something. I feel like my day is going to be cruddy all because of my lack of devotion. I feel like it's all my fault and so that's where all my focus goes. I hold on to shame and guilt....I forget what Jesus did...what He shed. His perfect blood....Anyway...So Jesus' blood covers not just forgiveness of my sins but gives me a clear conscience. I don't have to keep rewinding all the bad stuff I've thought or done. Jesus Blood gives me a clean slate every time.

In my weakness He is strong. His grace is sufficient. There is glory in it all.

Lately, while being trained at the Joy FM and just learning...I watch Jayar, Carmen, Bill, Dave, Kris, Mary, Karen, Dan, Jeff, Luisa and everybody there and I see how hard they work. They're all diligent in what they do and I'm learning so much from them they don't even know it... Jayar is and I think he'll always be someone I admire in this whole radio industry. I'm still a fan. Not because this guy is heard by lots of people or that he knows a lot of people but because of his hard work. This guy works hard and it shows. I watch him and I think to myself, "how the heck will I ever be that good?!" Dang! It makes me laugh. Seriously, I never made plans to even be this far....It seemed impossible to even be doing what I'm doing right now! Yet, God made a way ya'll! It's neat how God allots a measure of faith to each of us according to what He's made us to do. Faith: the evidence of things unseen. So this excites me. The fact that I don't see how the heck I will ever be that good is a good sign. It's all for God's glory and His glory alone. This is gonna be a miracle. I am 29 but yay for sweet redemption. God redeems it all. So I'm walking on water at the Joy FM. I'm honored to belong to God. I'm honored that He chooses to use me. I'm honored that I get to learn from the best of the best radio has ever had. Every person at this station, I kid you not, is good!!! This really is a Christian radio station. Christian, not because of the music they play but because of what their faith displays. This station is a team, a body that is willing to be the hands and feet of JEsus to Florida and the world. Seriously. They sincerely care about people's lives. They do it in their own personal lives and then they let that trickle into the heart of this station. I'm amazed at the fact that there could really be a station that is real about being like Christ. Putting others before themselves. The fruit is everywhere and seeds keep spitting out everywhere! Wow.

Anyway, this is where I'm at and even though I don't know the exact details of all that God will be doing in me, in my life, I have decided that I will trust Him. He's always been trustworthy. Here are the lyrics to a song that's hitting the spot for me these days:

"If my heart has grown cold,There Your love will unfold; As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.When I'm blind to my way,There Your Spirit will pray;As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand,As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.Chorus:Oceans will part; nations comeAt the whisper of Your call.Hope will rise; glory shown.In my life, Your will be done.Verse 2:Present suffering may pass,Lord, Your mercy will last;As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand.And my heart will find praise,I'll delight in Your way,As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand,As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand."

True story. :)