relationships are huge in life. i mean, life consists of relationships. so what am i up to? i'm just thinking of relationships...
okay. i didn't want to write about this but it's on my mind and at the risk of sounding desperate, i'm just gonna say it. i want to be in a relationship but i'm not.
it's been like almost 10 years since my last relationship and i'm not who i was then...i'm glad.
some people say that you should date a good number of guys so you know what you like and what you don't like.
i don't agree with that.
a good number of people have questioned why i'm not in a relationship. it's almost like they think something is wrong with me. ha.
i feel fine. i actually think me not being in multiple relationships has saved me from pre-mature aging. no wrinkles. thank God.
um, so where am i going with all this? *sigh* i guess i'm just dispersing thoughts...i don't know if anybody reads my blog but it helps get these thoughts out...it's for me.
i always think that the reason i'm not in a relationships is because i'm not ready but the weird thing is i don't know when i'll ever be ready. i'm still pretty selfish and i hear that to be married you can't be selfish...bah. well, we're not in heaven yet so....yeah...you know what i mean...
my thing is, i don't want to be in the wrong relationship. i truly-absolutely-without-a-doubt believe that God has planned who I'll marry since before i was born...so i know there is such a thing as a right relationship...and just from past experiences...whenever i've tried to manipulate stuff into happening, it goes all wrong. blows up in my face. i just don't want to do that again. i don't have time to waste. i'm not isolating myself from the male species either. i mean, i am sooo open to having friendships with men and women...call me old-fashioned but if a godly guy even thinks i'm his potential wife, he should know and it should already be installed in him to pursue me. know what i'm sayin'?? dang right gina! *sigh*
so with all that said. i so want to meet my future husband guy...friend. i hope he's more than what i think i want and need. i hope He makes me a laugh for years to come. i hope he's not weird. i hope he either has a sense of style or is open to letting me lead the way in that area...i hope he's musically/media inclined...i hope he's a strong leader-type that's got his confidence fully in Christ...so he can teach me how to do that..i hope he likes to drive me places...um i hope he enjoys a good cup of coffee. i hope he's a great cook! oh man!
out of all that stuff i just mentioned...laughing together is what i look forward to.
until then, let the process in me continue. i have a lot of growing up to do. my relationship with God needs help...sometimes i feel like a beginner but then i remember all i've learned but not applied...makes a difference...obedience...
alright. i'm getting sleepy. time for bed. xoxo
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