i do.
living in florida i've had to face some of the hardest battles of my life. it's been killer.
i promise i'm not trying to be a drama queen. doesnt' seem like anybody here understands me that well here. so i've been having to lean on God, which i know we should do anyway but it's such a tough thing to do sometimes when you've been used to having people to vent to, who get it...anyway, here's where i'm coming from...
i've got lots on my plate (typically i wouldn't complain about a lot on my plate but this is different):
-i'm a girl so i'm extra emotional/hormonal
-i've been living by myself for a little over a year
-all my friends are far away
-all my family is far away
-the 2 friends i have here will probably get sick of me....dump me for some other more suitable friends...am i being too negative? (hold on, it'll get better toward the end..)
-i'm at the early stages of learning my craft in radio and thus at the bottom of the totem pole...
-i have insecurities under all this other crap that i need to deal with
lovely.
on a positive note, this crap is all good stuff. i mean, i'm being trained to trust God completely. trusting Jesus to tame this lion that's my flesh. i'm talking about my sinful nature...google it if you're not sure what the heck i'm talking about...i'm sure you can relate.
aside all this, i know God is so good but it's the trust factor i struggle with. this weekend has been extra trying on my flesh. you know when you want so much to be a part of something but it's just not time yet? so it feels like salt on an open wound..(outwardly it's not a big deal but this battle was all goin' on inside.)
..it's so hard to just trust God with all this. so God kept His promise, the one about not leaving us alone but sending his holy spirit to comfort us and guide us into all truth...felt like God rocked me back and forth as a father rocking his child...i'm one of'em..
me- "why are you having me go through this? why? it hurts so much..."
the question of whether or not i'm good enough pops up ever so often and its then i start to compare myself to others..that said, about 2 sundays ago i dished this out with some random ppl at church for some prayer circle thingy and one of them was a middle-school kid...he then confessed that he too felt like that about himself...he said he kept comparing himself to his super athletic brother. he felt like he wasn't good enough because he wasn't into sports, nor good at them like his brother is, not to mention his brother always winning awards and trophies...i know i needed to hear that. interesting... it's easy to focus on yourself when all you live with is yourself...i need to focus on others needs to overcome this along with dependence on God's truth.
this same weekend, my dad called me long distance from central america (he and mom are in guatemala visiting family) so i ended up telling him everything about my struggle/hurdle and he was so encouraging with God's truth. pops gets it. he's been through so much. greatest gift God's ever given me. in heaven and on earth, i can say i have a good dad.
living in florida i've had to face some of the hardest battles of my life. it's been killer.
i promise i'm not trying to be a drama queen. doesnt' seem like anybody here understands me that well here. so i've been having to lean on God, which i know we should do anyway but it's such a tough thing to do sometimes when you've been used to having people to vent to, who get it...anyway, here's where i'm coming from...
i've got lots on my plate (typically i wouldn't complain about a lot on my plate but this is different):
-i'm a girl so i'm extra emotional/hormonal
-i've been living by myself for a little over a year
-all my friends are far away
-all my family is far away
-the 2 friends i have here will probably get sick of me....dump me for some other more suitable friends...am i being too negative? (hold on, it'll get better toward the end..)
-i'm at the early stages of learning my craft in radio and thus at the bottom of the totem pole...
-i have insecurities under all this other crap that i need to deal with
lovely.
on a positive note, this crap is all good stuff. i mean, i'm being trained to trust God completely. trusting Jesus to tame this lion that's my flesh. i'm talking about my sinful nature...google it if you're not sure what the heck i'm talking about...i'm sure you can relate.
aside all this, i know God is so good but it's the trust factor i struggle with. this weekend has been extra trying on my flesh. you know when you want so much to be a part of something but it's just not time yet? so it feels like salt on an open wound..(outwardly it's not a big deal but this battle was all goin' on inside.)
..it's so hard to just trust God with all this. so God kept His promise, the one about not leaving us alone but sending his holy spirit to comfort us and guide us into all truth...felt like God rocked me back and forth as a father rocking his child...i'm one of'em..
me- "why are you having me go through this? why? it hurts so much..."
the question of whether or not i'm good enough pops up ever so often and its then i start to compare myself to others..that said, about 2 sundays ago i dished this out with some random ppl at church for some prayer circle thingy and one of them was a middle-school kid...he then confessed that he too felt like that about himself...he said he kept comparing himself to his super athletic brother. he felt like he wasn't good enough because he wasn't into sports, nor good at them like his brother is, not to mention his brother always winning awards and trophies...i know i needed to hear that. interesting... it's easy to focus on yourself when all you live with is yourself...i need to focus on others needs to overcome this along with dependence on God's truth.
this same weekend, my dad called me long distance from central america (he and mom are in guatemala visiting family) so i ended up telling him everything about my struggle/hurdle and he was so encouraging with God's truth. pops gets it. he's been through so much. greatest gift God's ever given me. in heaven and on earth, i can say i have a good dad.
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