6 days left in florida...

did my last saturday show today...felt all choked up...i'm just extremely grateful to the joy fm and the listeners who really just make up the station as a whole. we wouldn't be a radio station at it's full potential without the listeners. just wouldn't flourish. i love that non-profit radio stations can have that special relationship with listeners. we both grow in our giving of the resources we've been allotted...we're a community. for that reason, i love Christian radio. i haven't heard of any mainstream radio stations that are that connected with their listeners.

i feel like i owe them all so much. the joy fm staff for giving me a chance at this craft and discovering how much i really do love it. the listeners for giving me seconds of their time to learn all this. it's been such a rich radio experience and outside radio, living in florida has been a stretch; an uncomfortable one. like wearing shoes that don't fit. but if you gotta cross over on hot coals, no matter how tight the shoes are, you'll wear'em and they'll work for you while you cross over to the other side...

so yeah, in 6 days i'll be on my way to massachussetts, where fall and winter do exist. wow.

..ventilation..

whether you include me in your plans or mention my name or not..doesn't give me value but i still don't get it. my feelings are still hurt...i'm sick of being overlooked..

it's like a relationship of unrequitted love. you know when you're more into somebody than they're into you? that's what it feels like anyway..

i hate feeling this way. rejection sucks.

i'm so tired of this struggle. but i guess not tired enough because i always come back to it.

maybe if i looked a certain way, was extra skillful or rich, then they'd include me more..

solomon would say this is all "meaningless, a chase after the wind.." and i guess he'd be right..

i'm just venting...

boohoooo

ever have those days when you just don't get it?

i'm tryin' to be as objective as possible but it's like a thorn in my flesh that keeps pokin' right at the center of my heart...

ever since i was a kid maybe i sorta felt left out...

i wasn't planned by my parents and my siblings and i joke about how everything stopped when i was born...family trips and all that stuff because you can't take a baby on rides...

i was the surprise...

maybe i took all that to heart...ah, i don't know but it's something i struggle with off and on. it's weird though because my personality today doesn't match my past.

ever since i realized who Jesus Christ is and what He did for me, it's like a click happened between my brain and my heart..but after that the issues still remain..now it's like my job to work through all this mess..

all this resurfaced today (happens off and on)...i didn't get to go to something i really wanted to go to...like nobody thought, hey it's leslie's last month, maybe she'd wanna go with us? nope. earth to me. the world doesn't revolve around me. duh. boohoo. so needless to say, all these feelings of being left out are triggered and i'm upset, sad but trying to look up.

talked to God about it yesterday...part of me wonders if i should've asked if i could go. but then that's just like me the little sister asking if i could tag along and who likes that? i don't know, maybe i should've asked...ah well. the truth is that if God thought it necessary for me to go, he would've had me go. God is faithful and i need to trust that. so faithful.

anytime this thorn in my flesh pokes, i don't wanna give in to the lie that i'm missing out but it's habit. man, God is so good though...He's makin' my dreams come true. He really hears every cry and even last night when i was struggling with this whole thing of "everybody gets to go except for me," it's like hello! i'm not married with children, tied down that this would be my only chance at fun..i can get up go anywhere i want. plus, the new adventure God's so generously bestowed upon me! i get to move to mass. for my first full-time radio gig! ..so neat, like, God knows my favorite things and He's setting it up just like that...my favorite weather, lifestyle, shopping...sounds cheesy but God's creator of it all...even cheese, which i sooo love, btw..

plus, i guess my kind of theme park is the mall or h&m. the only time i'd ride a rollercoaster is if the weather is cool enough...last year i got to go to disney world for the first time and only got on 2 or 3 rides...it was fun but i think i would have more fun sitting in a coffeeshop spending time chatting with good friends and laughing. i love laughing. may God never take that away from me. and if He would, i'd still get to laugh in heaven i'm sure. i wonder why there's no documentation of Jesus laughing...there's a verse that says he wept...wrote on the ground..but i know He laughed. we're made in His image and come on, he camped out with a bunch of simpletons...they had to have laughed...

k, back on topic..i'll get over it. i asked God if i'll ever overcome this thorn of mine and turns out that we'd be perfect if we didn't have a thorn in our flesh...i guess we all have a thorn. we all have a weakness. it's what's supposed to propel us to lean on God's grace, strength..and not our own. okay. but in His grace, strength, we do overcome moment by moment..

oh and aside my little drama...9 years ago today our world was changed on september 11, 2001 when the world trade center was demolished by terrorist attacks...3,000 lives lost...i hope it never happens again..

Like A Lion

it's my anthem and it was written by daniel bashta...

Like A Lion

Let love explode and bring the dead to life
A love so bold
To see a revolution somehow.
Let love explode and bring the dead to life
A love so bold
To bring a revolution somehow

Pre- chorus
Now I'm lost in your freedom
This world I'll overcome.

Chorus:
My God is not dead
He's surely alive
He's living on the inside
Roaring like a lion

Verse 2:
Let hope arise and make the darkness hide
My faith is dead
I need a resurrection somehow

Bridge:
Let Heaven roar and fire fall
come shake the ground
with the sound of revival

"Never, Never, No Never give up!"

it's a winston churchill quote that i just read in somebody else's facebook page favorite quotes...

i thought i'd own it too...

i love hope.

hope runs through my veins.

it's what rolls off my tongue...(well not all the time but it's my heart to do that more)

it's what i eat for lunch. (tryin' to be all figurative-ish..hehe)

it's where i rest.

hope. (so beautiful..i love it.)

it all began on the day when everything impossible was deemed possible...some call it the "resurrection" and i call it the day hope was born for all mankind.

there i was doing my job. another day. borderline mundane if it weren't for the fact i am passionate about the area of work i was engaged in...radio ministry. so i get a phone call. and it's from an old friend i made in nashville. he used to be the producer for a popular christian radio station there. i was a volunteer turned board-op within months...oh yeah, i was pro..lol i remember one of my friends sayin' "a monkey could do this..." so call me a monkey! i did it well. i would stay after hours making lanyards, organizing the promotions room, editing audio, answering phones, whatever i could do to show them i wanted to be a part of the team...i guess i was already a part of the team but to me it didn't feel like i was a part of the team unless i got a job there...so that became my mission...i tried and tried...no cigar...

i remember hearing the producer say "doesn't it bother you that you're doing all the work and somebody else is getting paid for it?" and i'd shy away and say "don't say that!" but the truth was yeah it frickin' bothered me because i, unlike some of their employees, wanted to be there! i think it's not fair when people are at a job especially in media (cuz it's so hard to get a media job) and they're just coasting away just because it pays the bills...no passion really...just because you're good at something doesn't mean you have passion to do it. if you're not passionate about it, let somebody else do it who DOES have passion. there are people who are dying to even have a chance at being inside the building you call "work." when i was a board-op in nashville i met this other guy who was doing the same job at that station and one day he told me he was quitting...and i thought he was crazy! see, i wanted to work in radio so badly that even this little job was a "foot in the door" to me...anyway, he went on to explain to me that he wasn't passionate about it and he didn't wanna keep somebody else from gettin' their foot in the door...wow...just sayin' give somebody else a shot...you'll be glad you did. :-)

i'm super thankful to actually know what i'm made to do. i know what my craft is. i'm still an amateur but happy to be one! hehe...anyway, man, i'm going all over the place here...okay so the producer i made friends with in nash, called me up and offered me a job at his station in feeding hills, massachusetts! after consulting with my radio mentor, i knew this was my next step but i just wanted to be sure...so i talked it over with old church peeps and family and God...and then, behold, i saw a hotpink neon sign that said: "LESLIE GO FOR IT!!!"

jusssst kidding. i so wanted that though. so steps of faith are basically giving more weight to what you know about God and what he's done in your life versus the "what-if's" of life. so i'm making the next step. i should title this season of life as "the next step," because it's all i've been hearing ever since then...just to make it clear, this is my first full-time radio gig!!! yeah!!! wooooo!!! never in my wildest dreams did i ever see this coming!

i was a suicidal, eating disorder girl who was tryin' to find her identity in a guy and anything else on earth years ago...and God found me on the floor of my dorm in iowa...crying because of the pain my life was causing me...well, it was my choices...i told God i didn't wanna live that way anymore and that i knew he made me for something greater and i asked him to forgive me for not living the life he intended for me...i was ruined from there on...

God makes something out of nothing. water to wine. beautiful creation out of emptiness...

if you have dreams, don't give up. it's not far-fetched. a real dream won't let you sleep at night. a question i asked myself once was: "if you were to die tomorrow, what's the job you'd dream of doing?" if you're sort of "iffy" on what your purpose in life is or what you were made to do, no worries, keep asking God...He'll lead you to the right opportunities...one step at time. step one: trust him.

but something good to remember is put your hope in him, not in anything else. i'm learning that..sometimes i think that's a choice i need to make on a daily basis. putting my hope in him, his mysterious ways...i can't believe this is happening to me!!! ahhh!!! :-) i'm honored really. this radio station is a baby, only 3 years old and i'm honored to be a part of the raising it up to be a shining beacon of hope for many in the new england area. i look forward to learning from all of this too...i wanna be a beacon of hope too you know...yep. so...

never, never, no never give up.

Hope never disappoints

the whole purpose of this blog is coming full circle...

if you read to your right, you'll see the purpose.

i've been documenting my journey...

and so now what do you think has happeneD??

:-)

welp...yep.

more details soon!!!

youth camp came and went but

was super!

i mean the food and activities sucked but the fellowship i had with the girls was priceless.

it was worth it. i mean, i was on my period and pretty bitchy but still not bitchy enough to squeeze out love. love remains. love girds.

it's soooo cool to see someone understand something for the very first time. to see them click. i saw that this past week at youth camp. i got to hear these kids' stories and man, i love'em even more now.

whenever ppl. go through sucky times, it's a given that's what God's gonna use to point others to Him. how could that be good for God? well, because He makes beautiful things out of ugly things...he makes something out of nothing....turns water to wine...that type of stuff. miraculousness.

so we are.