hi! lemme just give you a brief on what the heck i've been doing here in floridia...oh wait, before i go, isn't the pic. of the "boombox" to the left cute?? think i wanna save up to get one...i love how old stuff just keeps coming back in style...ecclesiastes-ish in the sense, there's nothing new under the sun...annnnyway, right now i'm learning how to be more relaxed while talking live on the air during my air shift. i'm also learning how to gather good content from daily life (always having a pen/notepad handy to jot down ideas/bits)....whenever i get to watch my radio mentor do his job it blows my mind....how the heck will i ever be able to be that clever and fast and witty??? i'm 30!!! wow. i'm starting life late i guess. do you think God will redeem the time? yep. me too. God is good. why God chooses to use messed up people: He's so "purple cow." ;-) He thinks outside the box.
before i keep unraveling the dealio, been learning it's okay to be transparent about stuff you're going through in life. it's okay to be sad. it's okay to be frustrated. it's okay to hate your job sometimes. it's okay not to. it's okay to not have it all together.
i think it sometimes makes others feel uncomfortable that i sorta wear my emotions on my sleeve. is it the same thing as sayin' i wear my heart on my sleeve? well if so, then yeah, that's me. i hate fake. sadly i can be fake lots of times. the good thing is that i'm not as fake as i used to be. i find freedom from fake when i get real with God and just give him the raw footage of my thoughts, the stuff in my heart. no matter how ugly.
i think one of the reasons why i've been struggling so much here in florida is that all my weaknesses have been highlighted here. i've had issues of pride and fear of rejection. living in florida i realized those issues will always take up residence where truth isn't. am i miserable here in florida? no. seriously, it's not that bad when i have the right perspective. that's me looking at these challenges as opportunities and as God working on me to build character and a real devotion to Him.
i don't have real devotion. i realized i don't know what's like. it bothers me. i wanna be real. i want to not care about the opinions of others. i want to love the way Jesus did. to lay down his life for a friend. i want to really love who God is. there's people/friends i know that don't believe this "God-stuff" and it's mainly because there are few within christianity who choose to really love the way Jesus asked us to. He said those were the 2 most important commandments. to love God with all heart, soul, mind, strength and to love our neighbor as ourself....but we always base our responses/actions/beliefs on everything around love....the rules, the rules, the rules....the laws....yeah the law is perfect and it shows us where we're wrong, not so we point the finger but so that we'll run to grace. realize we need it. realize we need to extend it toward others...
oh man, how messed up i've been. i'm just thankful God's willing to start from scratch with me. all that being said, a God who loves us so perfectly can be trusted. i don't need to fear rejection from others. it's gonna happen. but God won't reject me. weird how i can feel so rejected but just because i feel it doesn't mean it's real or true. feelings suck. feelings are sooo overrated. and truth is so underrated.
this is why this will all be worth it...i want my life to point to hope. i feel like that hope is like a light that gets brighter and hotter with every step of faith....basically choosing to live outside your comfort zone and not giving up.
life can leave you feeling/speaking like the book of lamentations but even then in that depresssing book in the Bible, hope never dies. so yeah, it's okay to not have it all together. in my weakness is where God teaches me more how to depend on him instead of on man, man-made things, my own strength....it's humbling and sometimes humiliating....
how can any of this be good if it causes so much pain and discomfort inside? good question. just like exercise, when you first start, it's hard, sweaty and leaves you sore...you don't wanna do it anymore because it hurts and how can this be good? in reality it's toning your muscles and burning fat and increasing your endorphins...it's good for us. it's healthy. so it is in life with God. it's not easy and now i see why it says in the bible that it's a narrow road people tend to say "peaceout" to. good character is pure muscle and as it's getting built up, you become stronger/wiser and able to continue walking, standing, fighting not just for you but for others.
before i keep unraveling the dealio, been learning it's okay to be transparent about stuff you're going through in life. it's okay to be sad. it's okay to be frustrated. it's okay to hate your job sometimes. it's okay not to. it's okay to not have it all together.
i think it sometimes makes others feel uncomfortable that i sorta wear my emotions on my sleeve. is it the same thing as sayin' i wear my heart on my sleeve? well if so, then yeah, that's me. i hate fake. sadly i can be fake lots of times. the good thing is that i'm not as fake as i used to be. i find freedom from fake when i get real with God and just give him the raw footage of my thoughts, the stuff in my heart. no matter how ugly.
i think one of the reasons why i've been struggling so much here in florida is that all my weaknesses have been highlighted here. i've had issues of pride and fear of rejection. living in florida i realized those issues will always take up residence where truth isn't. am i miserable here in florida? no. seriously, it's not that bad when i have the right perspective. that's me looking at these challenges as opportunities and as God working on me to build character and a real devotion to Him.
i don't have real devotion. i realized i don't know what's like. it bothers me. i wanna be real. i want to not care about the opinions of others. i want to love the way Jesus did. to lay down his life for a friend. i want to really love who God is. there's people/friends i know that don't believe this "God-stuff" and it's mainly because there are few within christianity who choose to really love the way Jesus asked us to. He said those were the 2 most important commandments. to love God with all heart, soul, mind, strength and to love our neighbor as ourself....but we always base our responses/actions/beliefs on everything around love....the rules, the rules, the rules....the laws....yeah the law is perfect and it shows us where we're wrong, not so we point the finger but so that we'll run to grace. realize we need it. realize we need to extend it toward others...
oh man, how messed up i've been. i'm just thankful God's willing to start from scratch with me. all that being said, a God who loves us so perfectly can be trusted. i don't need to fear rejection from others. it's gonna happen. but God won't reject me. weird how i can feel so rejected but just because i feel it doesn't mean it's real or true. feelings suck. feelings are sooo overrated. and truth is so underrated.
this is why this will all be worth it...i want my life to point to hope. i feel like that hope is like a light that gets brighter and hotter with every step of faith....basically choosing to live outside your comfort zone and not giving up.
life can leave you feeling/speaking like the book of lamentations but even then in that depresssing book in the Bible, hope never dies. so yeah, it's okay to not have it all together. in my weakness is where God teaches me more how to depend on him instead of on man, man-made things, my own strength....it's humbling and sometimes humiliating....
how can any of this be good if it causes so much pain and discomfort inside? good question. just like exercise, when you first start, it's hard, sweaty and leaves you sore...you don't wanna do it anymore because it hurts and how can this be good? in reality it's toning your muscles and burning fat and increasing your endorphins...it's good for us. it's healthy. so it is in life with God. it's not easy and now i see why it says in the bible that it's a narrow road people tend to say "peaceout" to. good character is pure muscle and as it's getting built up, you become stronger/wiser and able to continue walking, standing, fighting not just for you but for others.
